Mollusc Matchmaker T-Shirts

Football Snail

Shell Fire

Snail Pattern Balding.

'Are you thinking what I'm thinking?'

'Hey look I got a free newspaper with my wallchart of north sea molluscs aand DVD of elbow stretching excercises.'

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

"I'd be fast, too, if I had legs that long."

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

Pucker up!

"There were times I wished I was an oyster, but I'm happy as a clam."

Notice - Salt Kills

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

Small Clams Court

'. . . He's such a slime ball!'

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

Gardener and the Giant Snail

'Mandy is playing cupid again!'

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

"The one's an en suite and the other's a walk-in wardrobe."

Snail with lots of shells says: 'I've extended as far as possible, so there was nowhere to go but down.'

'Okay, this time we'll try for someone with a really good sense of humour.'

"I put in a skylight and it's made a world of difference."

'Are you responsible for this?'

"Having a dog is great for meeting more dogs."

But if you make his pearls for him, he'll never learn to make them himself.

I asked you here because I like the job you're doing. It's too bad you don't work for this firm.

"You want to see me, Boss?"

'Dude, the river is flooding! Get out of here as quickly as you can!'

"I'm steelbuns 1995, you must be teen angle 1999."

"He's not in. Can you crawl back after lunch?"

"I guess new carpeting was a bad idea."

Snail Homes

"Bloody caravans..."

'Wow! She's one gorgeous looking slug!'