Mollusc Matchmaker T-Shirts

Football Snail

Shell Fire

Snail Pattern Balding.

'Are you thinking what I'm thinking?'

'Hey look I got a free newspaper with my wallchart of north sea molluscs aand DVD of elbow stretching excercises.'

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

"I'd be fast, too, if I had legs that long."

Pucker up!

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

Notice - Salt Kills

"There were times I wished I was an oyster, but I'm happy as a clam."

'Mandy is playing cupid again!'

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

'Okay, this time we'll try for someone with a really good sense of humour.'

'. . . He's such a slime ball!'

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

Small Clams Court

Gardener and the Giant Snail

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

"The one's an en suite and the other's a walk-in wardrobe."

Snail with lots of shells says: 'I've extended as far as possible, so there was nowhere to go but down.'

"I put in a skylight and it's made a world of difference."

"Having a dog is great for meeting more dogs."

"I'm steelbuns 1995, you must be teen angle 1999."

Snail Homes

I asked you here because I like the job you're doing. It's too bad you don't work for this firm.

"I guess new carpeting was a bad idea."

'Dude, the river is flooding! Get out of here as quickly as you can!'

"He's not in. Can you crawl back after lunch?"

"You want to see me, Boss?"

"Bloody caravans..."

Society of Mollusc Breeders.

'Wow! She's one gorgeous looking slug!'