Mollusc Enthusiast T-Shirts

'Hey look I got a free newspaper with my wallchart of north sea molluscs aand DVD of elbow stretching excercises.'

"We bought her to replace little Henry's spleen, but then we just sort of fell in love with her."

Society of Mollusc Breeders.

"Squatters!"

"Quick - you'd better scarper! My husband'll be home in three weeks!!"

"Don't do it! You've got so much to live for!"

You're my Mona Lisa.

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

Shell Fire

'I've no time for these foragers - they come into the area and snap up all the best houses...'

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

'I love you...but you don't half stink!'

'Pepperoni: Muse of Pizza'

"I know it is of this earth...."

I want to be a politician when I grow up...

Snail Pattern Balding.

"Never mind the porridge, someone's stolen my woodland mushroom collection."

'Get right back out there, young man, and track some mud in!'

'It says here that erosion moves soil from one place to another. I thought that was our job.'

"I can skip my bath. On the way home I jumped in all the puddles."

'Hey! Make sure those boots are muddy before you set foot in here,mister! Took me all morning to get this place filthy!'

'I love rock festivals!'

'Walking your pet amoeba again, Henry?'

"Let us be a city under a hill, for all the world not to see."

The greatest love story ever moled.

'It never fails. The mud's always one inch higher than my boots.'

"A trough full of food, mud to roll around in: Who cares if we can't fly..."

'Now that's what I call soil conservation.'

"...My daughter, the model..."

'You get into that mud puddle and take a bath.'

"Can I help it if dirt is attracted to me?"

"When I'm with you, Ted, I feel dirty."

Fresh off the boat and dazed by the tropical sun, Bert falls prey to the sales-rep devouring Giant Mushroom of Indonesia.

"I've been interfacing with mud."