Mollusc Aficionado T-Shirts

"Good news—the economy is still sluggish!"

Smoking Snail

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

You're the botanicals in my gin

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"I do like a plant that can hold its drink"

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

"The Ususal, Mr. B?"

Shell Fire

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

Snail Pattern Balding.

"Knowing all the weather rock lore doesn't really count toward the weather badge."

Mary Margaret, the best bar Nun.

"I'm not really into organized religion, though I am very spiritual."

'After a Gadzillon glasses of milk and cookies who wouldn't have an upset stomach?'

'Hey look I got a free newspaper with my wallchart of north sea molluscs aand DVD of elbow stretching excercises.'

The greatest love story ever moled.

"Let us be a city under a hill, for all the world not to see."

"I warned you about playing at the tar pits."

Roller Coasters

'Somehow it just doesn't seem worth it for a one man business.'

Spilled Milk

'I've never heard of a lactose intolerant cow!'

"I'd be fast, too, if I had legs that long."

"It's just the usual Wednesday crowd."

Man swipes friend's drink, saying: 'Thanks Dave, I'll have what you're having.'

A mobile phone reads bedtime stories.

"There were times I wished I was an oyster, but I'm happy as a clam."

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

The Plant Place - Drought special!

The statue of Lactity.

"There's a two drink limit if you're going to use the monkey bars."