Mollusc Aficionado T-Shirts

"Good news—the economy is still sluggish!"

Smoking Snail

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

You're the botanicals in my gin

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"I do like a plant that can hold its drink"

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

Shell Fire

"The Ususal, Mr. B?"

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

Snail Pattern Balding.

Quentin Tarantino

"Knowing all the weather rock lore doesn't really count toward the weather badge."

'After a Gadzillon glasses of milk and cookies who wouldn't have an upset stomach?'

"I'm not really into organized religion, though I am very spiritual."

Mary Margaret, the best bar Nun.

'Hey look I got a free newspaper with my wallchart of north sea molluscs aand DVD of elbow stretching excercises.'

"Let us be a city under a hill, for all the world not to see."

The greatest love story ever moled.

'Somehow it just doesn't seem worth it for a one man business.'

Spilled Milk

"I warned you about playing at the tar pits."

Roller Coasters

"It's just the usual Wednesday crowd."

'I've never heard of a lactose intolerant cow!'

Man swipes friend's drink, saying: 'Thanks Dave, I'll have what you're having.'

"I'd be fast, too, if I had legs that long."

Remember, what happens in Roswell, stays in Roswell.

"There's a two drink limit if you're going to use the monkey bars."

Gardener and the Giant Snail

"I don't care if it's forty years old and has a good body! I'm trying to get pissed, not date it!"

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."