Mollusc Muse Gifts

"The one's an en suite and the other's a walk-in wardrobe."

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

Shell Fire

Snail Pattern Balding.

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

"Your mother says 'wear a bra'."

'Hey look I got a free newspaper with my wallchart of north sea molluscs aand DVD of elbow stretching excercises.'

"I'd be fast, too, if I had legs that long."

Small Clams Court

Gardener and the Giant Snail

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

"There were times I wished I was an oyster, but I'm happy as a clam."

Snail with lots of shells says: 'I've extended as far as possible, so there was nowhere to go but down.'

'. . . He's such a slime ball!'

Artist studies painting nudes by painting peeled bananas.

Notice - Salt Kills

"Forget it - I've tried it before, and cats can't be enlightened."

"I put in a skylight and it's made a world of difference."

Cat Annoyed At Mice Developing The Modern Ballistic Missile

"I guess new carpeting was a bad idea."

"You have a mouse named Juliet."

'Dude, the river is flooding! Get out of here as quickly as you can!'

Snail Homes

"He's not in. Can you crawl back after lunch?"

'Is it going to be good for you?'

"Bloody caravans..."

'Don't sweat it - We grade on the curve.'

"I hate these tower blocks. . ."

'Wow! She's one gorgeous looking slug!'

Cézanne, Mont Sainte-Victoire

"Hey, hon - they published my article."