Mollusc Lover Gifts

Abject Snailure

'Wow! She's one gorgeous looking slug!'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Tell Mrs. Pomeroy we've found the source of that strange hint of musk."

"Is it something I said dear?"

'Maybe he has some sort of mystic attachment to the soil.'

Shell Fire

Snail Pattern Balding.

"Any chance you could do it at a higher resolution?"

'Hey look I got a free newspaper with my wallchart of north sea molluscs aand DVD of elbow stretching excercises.'

'This species of fungi was last spotted in Oxford by Alice Liddell in 1862!'

'One day son, all this will be yours!'

Gene Manipulation

"We want you to design the drainage system so that we have a muddy backyard..."

Goblin.

"I'd be fast, too, if I had legs that long."

'My client denies taking any performance-enhancing drugs when she jumped over the moon.'

"There were times I wished I was an oyster, but I'm happy as a clam."

Gardener and the Giant Snail

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

Saguaro Cacti.

'. . . He's such a slime ball!'

Magic Mushrooms

Notice - Salt Kills

Snail with lots of shells says: 'I've extended as far as possible, so there was nowhere to go but down.'

"The one's an en suite and the other's a walk-in wardrobe."

Small Clams Court

"I don't know why I'm surprised, but you seem very down to earth."

"I put in a skylight and it's made a world of difference."

"He's not in. Can you crawl back after lunch?"

"I guess new carpeting was a bad idea."

"I know, it sounds like fun, but a 'mudslide' mentioned in the news is usually linked to a disaster."

"He's a chip off the old block."