Mollusk Muse T-Shirts

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

Shell Fire

Snail Pattern Balding.

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

"Your mother says 'wear a bra'."

'Hey look I got a free newspaper with my wallchart of north sea molluscs aand DVD of elbow stretching excercises.'

"I'd be fast, too, if I had legs that long."

Notice - Salt Kills

Gardener and the Giant Snail

Artist studies painting nudes by painting peeled bananas.

'. . . He's such a slime ball!'

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

"There were times I wished I was an oyster, but I'm happy as a clam."

Snail with lots of shells says: 'I've extended as far as possible, so there was nowhere to go but down.'

"The one's an en suite and the other's a walk-in wardrobe."

Small Clams Court

"Forget it - I've tried it before, and cats can't be enlightened."

"I put in a skylight and it's made a world of difference."

Cat Annoyed At Mice Developing The Modern Ballistic Missile

"You have a mouse named Juliet."

'Dude, the river is flooding! Get out of here as quickly as you can!'

Snail Homes

"I guess new carpeting was a bad idea."

'Is it going to be good for you?'

"He's not in. Can you crawl back after lunch?"

"Bloody caravans..."

"I hate these tower blocks. . ."

Society of Mollusc Breeders.

Cézanne, Mont Sainte-Victoire

Football Snail

"Who, her? She left here weeks ago. . . before you and I even met. She's been on her way home ever since."