Mollusc Madness Gifts

"Who, her? She left here weeks ago. . . before you and I even met. She's been on her way home ever since."

Shell Fire

'Since Fleming already beat you to it with penicillin, I take it we can dispose of your week-old sandwich?'

Snail Pattern Balding.

"The good news is I used AI to fill in my March tournament bracket and I won the whole thing. The bad news is AI has become self aware and wants the prize money."

PSYCHIATRIC CLINIC, 'You know what I dread? -- March madness!'

'Hey look I got a free newspaper with my wallchart of north sea molluscs aand DVD of elbow stretching excercises.'

"I carefully examine the data for March madness brackets and every year I lose to Anita, who picks by uniform colors."

"I'd be fast, too, if I had legs that long."

"How are my animal mascot teams doing?"

Small Clams Court

'. . . He's such a slime ball!'

March madness

"There were times I wished I was an oyster, but I'm happy as a clam."

Notice - Salt Kills

Gardener and the Giant Snail

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

"Gerald is retired, but during March Madness, he goes back to the office to play the college hoops sports pools."

Ski lodge health care team.

Snail with lots of shells says: 'I've extended as far as possible, so there was nowhere to go but down.'

"The one's an en suite and the other's a walk-in wardrobe."

"I put in a skylight and it's made a world of difference."

"The doctor says you have an acute case of march Madness. Here's your bill."

"He's not in. Can you crawl back after lunch?"

"I guess new carpeting was a bad idea."

Snail Homes

'Dude, the river is flooding! Get out of here as quickly as you can!'

'Patients! They whine about MRSA, then they moan about our ward disinfecting regime. There really is no pleasing them.'