Moderntech Gifts

User-Unfriendly

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

'There's nothing on.'

Early Adopter...Early Opt-Outer

"Since he got that thing, he mostly just kills time."

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

Salesman I-Pad Business Card

Drive-thru Church

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

"It says 'beware of robot dog.'"

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

Messenger of the gods in the digital age.

Latest Aye Phone

"Goo-goo, ga-ga!"

"Remember, it's Boy, Girl, LGBT, Boy, Girl, LG . . ."

"Fresh pepper?"

'Here comes Mr. 'Smarter-then-you'.'

"She thinks it's a touchscreen."

"We now allow our employees to send their drones in to work for them. It saves them time and money on gas."

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

Customer help - jargon talking i-diot.

"It used to be that if you worried about unseen forces you were considered paranoid. Now you're a security expert."

"Good grief, Bradbury! How long have you been working at home?"

'We now feel it's best that baby keeps her security blanket until she's old enough for a cell phone.'

"You'll really like this next song. I wrote it specifically to be a ring tone!"

Hi! You want to, like, hang out? Sure. When are you free? Twig! Time to pack. We're leaving!! In about a year? It's on my iCal.

"Lemonade App: $1"

The Painting Channel

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

"I'm on the haywain."

'You're grounded... not you, the drone.'

'Sorry, Big Guy, We're downsizing, Here comes your replacement,'

"If we're doing such a good job of keeping the devil away, how come we have so many of these infernal machines around here?"

"Would you please refrain from texting while I'm operating!"

'Life on the farm used to be so... innocent. What's happened to us?'