Modern Payments Gifts

'Two ounces of bullseyes and can I use my credit card?'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

"Remember when it was 'The Dog and Duck'?"

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

Crap from the future.

Weird things I do because of the internet

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

"Did you get my tweet?"

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

Snoopy with Laptop

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"You haven't enjoyed the Yule log till you've enjoyed it in high def."

'This is suppose to be progress.'

Tunnel of TV

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

Happiness is spending late summer afternoon on a buying binge at the iPhone app store.

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

'When they came up with a 'do your homework' app, then I'll know technology can really make life better.'

"How is it gendered?"

"The club scene is really changing."

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

"I can definitely give you my two cents, Sir – just let me know how you want it: Bitcoin, Paypal, or Venmo."

"Nd how did tht mke u feel?"