Modern Martyr Of Customer Service Gifts

Just as a matter of interest, how long have you been on hold?

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

'I'd like to return this, please.'

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

"Can I talk to someone who knows something?"

"Ed Pierce is here to see you sir, and remember, it's unprofessional to roll your eyes."

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

If you don't give me a free hot chocolate, you're probably not a patriot. #$%* Fox News.

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

Do not feed the clerks.

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

'Excuse me, but is there any chance of finding me a decaffeinated clerk?'

Friendly banks and Cold and aloof banks.

'I see you've found a cure of the 'new car fever'.'

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

"After giving them the runaround for five minutes, pass them on to anger management."

'Oi, do you mind, trying to speak to my colleague - two self service tills having a chat together.'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

'Oh, it's about what I expected...I'm on hold for eternity to some tech rep in India.'

"Unfortunately, our user-friendly toaster is warranty-unfriendly!"

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

'No, I'm sorry, the HVAC engineer isn't here ... No, I'm not sure when he'll be back? Would you like to be put on hold?'

"No, this is the department for obfuscation, hindrance, confusion and prevarication...you want the department for sophistry, incomprehension, fudging and evasiveness!!"

"I'd recommend this."

'Of course I care, madam!'

"Will that be for here or to go?"

'Of course it's cold. We serve breakfast anytime, but we only make it in the morning.'

'Could you show me something that's more feature laden?'

'Tellers laughing ' 'Can I have my statement?'