Modern Martyr Of Customer Service Gifts

Just as a matter of interest, how long have you been on hold?

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

"Can I talk to someone who knows something?"

"Ed Pierce is here to see you sir, and remember, it's unprofessional to roll your eyes."

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

Do not feed the clerks.

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

'I see you've found a cure of the 'new car fever'.'

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

Friendly banks and Cold and aloof banks.

'Oh, it's about what I expected...I'm on hold for eternity to some tech rep in India.'

"After giving them the runaround for five minutes, pass them on to anger management."

'Oi, do you mind, trying to speak to my colleague - two self service tills having a chat together.'

"Unfortunately, our user-friendly toaster is warranty-unfriendly!"

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

'Excuse me, but is there any chance of finding me a decaffeinated clerk?'

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

'No, I'm sorry, the HVAC engineer isn't here ... No, I'm not sure when he'll be back? Would you like to be put on hold?'

"I'd recommend this."

"No, this is the department for obfuscation, hindrance, confusion and prevarication...you want the department for sophistry, incomprehension, fudging and evasiveness!!"

'Of course I care, madam!'

"Will that be for here or to go?"

'Of course it's cold. We serve breakfast anytime, but we only make it in the morning.'

'Hey that's our waiter on his way home!'

'Tellers laughing ' 'Can I have my statement?'

'There's supposed to be 56 million bubbles in a bottle of Champagne -- I only counted 54, 325,775.'