Modern Love Navigator Pillows

"That's my old boyfriend. He's just staying here through the transition period."

"Of course, this doesn't mean we can't still be contemporaries."

'She's my sex therapist.'

'True, she is more successful at our open marriage than me...'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

Everyone agrees: Aunt Juanita needs a man.

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

Tasty.

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

'Oh, relax. Stopping to ask how to use the GPS does not violate the male decree against asking directions.'

'He's not so much a rough diamond, more a dumb block of carbon.'

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'You can't keep a middle school girl from wanting to impress boys, Valerie.'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

'Sorry!...Recalculating.'

'For many months, you've been preparing to enter the sea of matrimony, and today, you walk the plank.'

'Come now - surely we can draw up this pre-nuptial agreement amicably.'

...In a Relationship

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

"Merely dating" "Lover's leap" "Undecided? Take a hike"

"You have superior extra ocular muscle strength - how often do you roll your eyes at your husband?"

"Honey, wake up! I just remembered something you did that annoyed the hell out of me!"

"This is one of those things you should share before marriage."

"We slipped in the tub."

"We have had a great year but we've also raised the bar for next year."

'My dream boat has turned out to be an anchor dragging prune barge!'

'Our marriage is like a one-way street, and I'm behind him, honking my horn...'

Another Hot and Heavy Night of Explaining

"First, you will meet Mr. Hot. Next, you will meet Mr. Cool. Then you will meet Mr. Right."