Modern Knights Pillows

"I'm sorry, my therapist told me to give up slaying dragons."

Sure, it's just to find the royal remote, but a quest is a quest, Ernie!

Honour Being Served 'Apps at Dawn'.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

'Isn't it cute the way they compete so hard?'

"Go ahead. This one seems too arrogant."

Swiss army knife

"Whosoever slays this dragon may marry the princess."

"It started as a crusade. Now it's just a commute."

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

"Who ordered a pizza?"

The Predictable Demise of Sir Textalot.

"Yes, I'm sure. The dragon I saw was quite a bit bigger."

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

"I don't think you can get a peace prize for ending a war that you started."

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

"Say! While I'm off in the Holy Land, why don't you find a little crusade of some kind that interests you?"

"I was hoping you'd consider this a prelude to a kiss."

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

'Is "I'll huff and I'll puff till I blow your castle down" the best intimidation we can come up with!!'

Beware of the Dragon

'Yes, I wanted a knight in shining armour, but I didn't know it'd be me doing all the shining!'

Yeah, that's mine - My mom puts my name inside my helmet in case it comes off.

'All I'm saying is; This maiden I'm here to rescue had better be really good looking!'

Actually, I slayed it for the castle's resale value, but don't tell her that.

They're souvenir magnets from all the places we've done battle.

'The king wants a gesture, not a jester.'

"One of you go see who's at the door."

Toastquest!