Modern Knight Pillows

Airport Joust.

"I call it the AK-1."

No damsels, but now we know who's been taking the Amazon packages off our porch.

A quest for the hold grail on eBay lacks the old sense of romance and adventure.

Computer in the Stone.

"They sent their geeks! Drop your swords and grab your computers! It's a cyber attack!"

The sword or the briefcase in the stone

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

"Whosoever slays this dragon may marry the princess."

"Go ahead. This one seems too arrogant."

"Yes, I'm sure. The dragon I saw was quite a bit bigger."

"It started as a crusade. Now it's just a commute."

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

"Say! While I'm off in the Holy Land, why don't you find a little crusade of some kind that interests you?"

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

"I don't think you can get a peace prize for ending a war that you started."

"I've diligently spent the last eight hours saving an entire colony of elves from a pack of vicious dragons and your only concern is that it is 2 am?"

"I was hoping you'd consider this a prelude to a kiss."

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

Honour Being Served 'Apps at Dawn'.

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

'Is "I'll huff and I'll puff till I blow your castle down" the best intimidation we can come up with!!'

"I'm sorry, my therapist told me to give up slaying dragons."

'Yes, I wanted a knight in shining armour, but I didn't know it'd be me doing all the shining!'

Beware of the Dragon

Yeah, that's mine - My mom puts my name inside my helmet in case it comes off.

Actually, I slayed it for the castle's resale value, but don't tell her that.

'The king wants a gesture, not a jester.'

'All I'm saying is; This maiden I'm here to rescue had better be really good looking!'

Toastquest!

"One of you go see who's at the door."

Castle drawbridge opens to reveal a dishwasher