Modern Distractions Enthusiast Pillows

Kid is envious of his father's laptop.

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"

Guru.

"You think you have problems? My entire wing command was just destroyed."

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

"Hi, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn."

"I wasn't copying off others. I was just crowdsourcing the answers."

"DID YOU SEND THIS?"

"My parents call it a blanket hanging from my ceiling. I call it a giant privacy filter."

"Congratulations on your entertaining presentation skills Smith, and the way they hide your dismal sales figures!"

"Good grief, Bradbury! How long have you been working at home?"

"How does one experience the ultimate selfie? Swallow your cell phone."

Well done, Harris. That's one of the straightest paperclips I've ever seen.

"I reached Level Three of Super Mario Brothers!"

The News in Capsule Form.

Garden of Earthly Delights

"I'm just saying, if you had to turn off the TV, would you still remember how?"

"Our Trash Dash order is on its way."

'Forget the birds and the bees. I downloaded that from the Internet. Tell me about day trading.'

New York Man

'Will this job requirer me to look up from my phone?'

Baby in carrier is watching TV on dad's back.

Diving Judge: Sorry, I Was Looking At My Phone.

"Hang on a minute! #Totesinlabour!"

"Bob was raised in the wilderness by salmon."

"You'll have to speak up. I'm very loud in here."

"I am doing my homework, but it's hard not to get distracted in this click-bait media environment."

The "This Item Not Sold In Any Store" Store

'What's procrastination?'

'I'm busy flinging birds at pigs, go away.'

'Hey, I'm sorry! It's Spring, and I was watching the woman in the blue dress!'