Modern Distractions Enthusiast T-Shirts

Kid is envious of his father's laptop.

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"

Guru.

"You think you have problems? My entire wing command was just destroyed."

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"Hi, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn."

"I wasn't copying off others. I was just crowdsourcing the answers."

"DID YOU SEND THIS?"

"Congratulations on your entertaining presentation skills Smith, and the way they hide your dismal sales figures!"

"My parents call it a blanket hanging from my ceiling. I call it a giant privacy filter."

"Good grief, Bradbury! How long have you been working at home?"

"How does one experience the ultimate selfie? Swallow your cell phone."

Well done, Harris. That's one of the straightest paperclips I've ever seen.

"I reached Level Three of Super Mario Brothers!"

Garden of Earthly Delights

"Our Trash Dash order is on its way."

"I'm just saying, if you had to turn off the TV, would you still remember how?"

The News in Capsule Form.

'Forget the birds and the bees. I downloaded that from the Internet. Tell me about day trading.'

New York Man

'He used to think, now he just googles everything.'

'Will this job requirer me to look up from my phone?'

Baby in carrier is watching TV on dad's back.

"Hang on a minute! #Totesinlabour!"

Diving Judge: Sorry, I Was Looking At My Phone.

"Bob was raised in the wilderness by salmon."

Are you calling 911?!

"You'll have to speak up. I'm very loud in here."

The "This Item Not Sold In Any Store" Store

"Absolutely not. I don't give my provenance over the phone."

'I'm busy flinging birds at pigs, go away.'

"I am doing my homework, but it's hard not to get distracted in this click-bait media environment."