Modern Diet Analyst Gifts

"First, finish that genetically modified asparagus. Then you can have ice cream full of bovine growth hormone."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

Sawdust.

"It would be better with a protein, but add-ons are so expensive."

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"Cardiac day patients?"

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

'The good news is that our latest diet products work fabulously well. The bad news is that we haven't got any customers any more!'

"I see the gastric bypass seems to be working."

"Eating less and exercising more. . . It's the only thing that works but how can we monetise it?"

"IT's a radical new diet I'm developing. I knock out all your teeth so you can't eat and therefore you lose weight."

'It's okay - they're VITAMIN-ENRICHED chocolates!'

'I've got three jobs and it works great! As a diet consultant, I help people who got fat from too much pizza and as a mechanic, I repair the cars I wrecked on my pizza delivery tours.'

'Fad diet. The weight will come right back.'

"I try to eat right, but huge chunks of raw meat are all you can find these days."

"Your mother eats all the wrong foods."

"I'm all for having a cheat day while dieting. However, you may be taking it a bit too far."

'I suggest you go easy on the fast food.'

"Blech! Skim milk!"

'Ew! It's got FAT on it.'

"He's on the paleo diet."

"Come out of your shell and let's taco 'bout your diet."

"We ought to give this diet a name."

'It's finally happened - no fats, no sugar, no colouring, no ingredients whatsoever!'

'It's not fair,' said Eve, 'even when I eat healthily I'm made to feel guilty.'

'I'm not sure if I'm a vegan or not but I do only eat animals that are herbivores.'

"Good news and bad news. The good news is that we got your weight down to a more manageable level. The bad news..."

Gluten free parking

Modern Slavery

The eat well - lose weight - be calm diet.

Perscription Diet