Modern Diet Analyst T-Shirts

"First, finish that genetically modified asparagus. Then you can have ice cream full of bovine growth hormone."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

Sawdust.

"It would be better with a protein, but add-ons are so expensive."

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"Cardiac day patients?"

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

'The good news is that our latest diet products work fabulously well. The bad news is that we haven't got any customers any more!'

"I see the gastric bypass seems to be working."

"Eating less and exercising more. . . It's the only thing that works but how can we monetise it?"

'I've got three jobs and it works great! As a diet consultant, I help people who got fat from too much pizza and as a mechanic, I repair the cars I wrecked on my pizza delivery tours.'

Birthday Cakes for Dieters...

"IT's a radical new diet I'm developing. I knock out all your teeth so you can't eat and therefore you lose weight."

'It's okay - they're VITAMIN-ENRICHED chocolates!'

'Fad diet. The weight will come right back.'

Zombie Fad Diets. Are you sure fish is brain food!

"Your mother eats all the wrong foods."

"I try to eat right, but huge chunks of raw meat are all you can find these days."

"I'm all for having a cheat day while dieting. However, you may be taking it a bit too far."

'I suggest you go easy on the fast food.'

'Ew! It's got FAT on it.'

"Come out of your shell and let's taco 'bout your diet."

"He's on the paleo diet."

"Blech! Skim milk!"

I've been thinking about trying that "caveman diet."

'It's finally happened - no fats, no sugar, no colouring, no ingredients whatsoever!'

"We ought to give this diet a name."

'It's not fair,' said Eve, 'even when I eat healthily I'm made to feel guilty.'

'We no longer serve trans-fats. Would you like some lettuce broth?'

'I'm not sure if I'm a vegan or not but I do only eat animals that are herbivores.'

"Good news and bad news. The good news is that we got your weight down to a more manageable level. The bad news..."

Gluten free parking

The eat well - lose weight - be calm diet.