Modern Decorator Gifts

"Sorry Rudolph, I got some new LED lights..."

"You idiot! It's all bare walls and Ikea these days."

'Those show-offs. Did you see their coffee table Kindle?'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

Painting by the numbers for adults

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Use your imagination.

Painting the Ceiling

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

"Careful with that - the wife made it at pottery class."

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

'Come on, you can help me to choose some lovely wallpaper.'

"We're looking for something for our panic room."

"You're welcome."

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

"Too bright."

'I had no idea Ikea had been around so long.'

"I don't think our smart home likes the color we painted it. It keeps spitting it out."

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

'This plant which you brought to me from your office snubs all my other plants.'

'We want it painted the colour of money!'

"Could we be getting a little too museum-quality?"

New Coat of Paint at the Sistine Condos

'This chair ain't big enough for the both of us.'