Modern Day Recluses Gifts

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"Dear Wendy, please excuse the tardiness of my response to your recent tweet from Hoboken."

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

On day twenty nine, Dave decided that he would start to cut his way through the dense forest to find out more about the north side of the island.

"You may now kiss the bride."

Tic-tac-toe

INTERNET MARRIAGE.

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

"I see you haven't forgotten how to play with your balls, honey." "Thanks."

'It's a sign of the times, a high rise block of caves reserved for hermits.'

Shakespeare in the clink

Madoff and devil.

Prison Romance.

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

Wow. A corner office at last

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

Police Lineup Escape

Prisoner Crossing

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

"Little Timmy is big enough to use you burglary tools."

''Willie the Wizard' gets out next week -- get ready to change all the locks.'

'My biggest mistake was to make a 'death-bed confession'... then I made a full recovery!'

Man to lady: 'Prisons are overcrowded, so we're seeing more sentences of timeout instead.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'I got you three new autographs in the prison yard today... an NFL and NBA player, plus a movie star!'

"Everyone we know is escaping and you sit there doing nothing."

"I got connections. We'll pull a few strings, get you out of here in no time"

"I'm afraid this year due to the threat of terrorist attacks...customs controls...parking restrictions...I have decided to outsource the Christmas operation to Ebay and Amazon."

'Try to think of it as early parole.'

'Sorry Vicar, Daddy can't come to the phone. He's doing porridge.'

'Before you go to prison, Sims, I'd like to give you this award as 'Scapegoat of the Year'.'

'If you don't mnage to have enough sunshine you should eat more of oily fish, black caviare, eggs and butter.'

'You're the one who called for a locksmith?'

'-and which commandment did you break?'