Modern-day Narcissus Gifts

Taking Self-portraits.

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

Dragon Hair-dryer.

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

'A coach would be nice. But vegetable will get me a BMW?'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

"Do you have an appointment?"

Wikipedia...

"How sweet, you texted me. . . I love you too!"

"C'mon, time to get up and stare at your devices all day."

God's Phone

"No, I don't play. I just watch people play on the internet."

"All the celebrities come here."

"This is NOT what I meant when I said you kids could have more screen time."

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

Witches of Instagram

"Sure, this camp has swimming, games, fishing, horseback riding and rock climbing. But, does it have Wi-Fi?"

"Amazing, eh? Good-looking, dependable, trustworthy, inflatable."

"Welcome aboard - That'll be your work station over there."

"We no longer use Astrology or crystal balls. We now use algorithms to predict the future."

Yogi back in 5.

'I think 'The Cloud' knows more thank you think.'

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

ALMOST SLEEPING BEAUTY

"I got Golden Ash Blond No. 334, just like you said."

'He says he's tried sending you tweets but his cell phones keep melting.'

"Right! It's a heart op, neurosurgery and counselling. And I'll have the Wiz"

"You can huff and puff all you want. The house is foreclosed and belongs to the bank."

Snake with headphones.

"Sometime I find it hard to believe that we found each other through regular channels."