Modern Childhood Pillows

"No, I don't play. I just watch people play on the internet."

"I'm getting a little tired of social media. He got mad at me so he said he is going to 'undad' me."

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

"No, you don't log onto it. You get on it."

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

"He added the computer, TV and cable box. Apparently, sand wasn't enough."

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

"I shop, therefore I am."

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

'He's maturing early.'

'Come on, I dare you: I say you can't drink a whole dew drop...'

Tree house.

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

"Dammit, Pooh - don't let the heffalumps win!"

Teddy bear with a red balloon.

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

"Recess does things to a man."

"And with you on guard, I won't have to worry about that monster under my bed."

"He just said his first word!"

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

"I'm doing whatever I feel like doing, before I reach the age of accountability."

'Don't touch that tooth, dad. I'm expecting the tooth fairy at any moment.'

'Thanks for the book, dad. Now I can reach my computer!'

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

Serious Putty