Modern Childhood Pillows

"No, I don't play. I just watch people play on the internet."

"I'm getting a little tired of social media. He got mad at me so he said he is going to 'undad' me."

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

"This is NOT what I meant when I said you kids could have more screen time."

"No, you don't log onto it. You get on it."

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

"He added the computer, TV and cable box. Apparently, sand wasn't enough."

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

'I can't wait 'til hunting is googling and gathering is calling out for delivery.'

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

"I shop, therefore I am."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'Come on, I dare you: I say you can't drink a whole dew drop...'

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"Dammit, Pooh - don't let the heffalumps win!"

'He's maturing early.'

"Can Olaf come out to pillage and plunder?"

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

Teddy bear with a red balloon.

"I'll be a little late. I'm working a double shift."

Tree house.

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

The Modern Novel.

"Recess does things to a man."

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

"He just said his first word!"