Modern Childhood Observer Pillows

"It's called a 'bookmark.' It's like a 'save progress' option."

"Those aren't drones. Those are birds. You need to get out more."

"He added the computer, TV and cable box. Apparently, sand wasn't enough."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"No, I don't play. I just watch people play on the internet."

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

"This is NOT what I meant when I said you kids could have more screen time."

Typical bored kid of the New Millennium

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

"Its's a beautiful day. Why don't you play outside?"

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"Coming soon...what I did over summer vacation...the podcast!"

You won't believe what happens in circle 6!! Dante's Inferno updated.

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

'If your cell phone has five hundred minutes, and you use one of them during this class, how long will you be in detention?'

"He was much more effective in the field."

The new boy was teased for being different.

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

"Photo safaris are not what they used to be: They seem more interested in taking selfies than photos of us these days..."

Childhood Screen Addict

Waiting Room

Mice 25¢

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

Maternity Hospital

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

"My parents call it a blanket hanging from my ceiling. I call it a giant privacy filter."