Early Childhood Observers Pillows

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

"So you're just now tellin' me I was hatched from an egg and I coulda' left years ago?!?"

Shark food pyramid.

'That's one of those May-December love affairs. He's 251 years old, and she can't be a day over 135!'

"All this time I've been trying to get her to walk, and all it took was a phone."

Sooner or later, 'These trying times' become 'The good ol' days'.'

"I can hear some rattling: Better start writing those birth notices Darling..."

"Oh crap, my mood ring!"

Teacher to king and queen: "He keeps invading other children's space."

'That's a bad omen no sooner does he invent the wheel than he has the first ever road traffic accident.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- it's hard to believe we're related.'

"He added the computer, TV and cable box. Apparently, sand wasn't enough."

A spider meal prepping

"We're potty training."

"Those aren't drones. Those are birds. You need to get out more."

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

What late birds do.

"Actually, it was an excellent year for bottom feeders."

"You never see a fish down here. I wonder if they know something we don't know."

I'm Going For A Job As A Coat Hangar.

School photos.

The three p's: peeing, poohing, puking

"Maybe little Jack Horner became argumentative because he was backed into a corner, leaving him no options."

"Oh yes, you have to keep an eye on them All the time!"

'She's not describing the one that got away, she's describing the flasher she just saw in the bushes.'

'It's just not fair: As soon as I start making new friends, we have to migrate again...'

"It's hard to believe the adults think he's so lovable!"

"Exactly how far does the tide go out as Southend."

"Forget about a vacation at the beach: Fish would stop us from going in the water and seagulls would spot us on the beach..."

"Surely, Son, you can find something to paint indoors."