Modern Art Mystery Lover Gifts

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Klimt Kiss Phones

'Projectile painting.'

"You're welcome."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

Cats at private view

Picasso: The Early Years

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

Convenience.

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

"Feel better, dear?"

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

The Cremaster Cycle

'At least I never have to straighten it out.'