Modern Art Mystery Lover Gifts

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Klimt Kiss Phones

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

"You're welcome."

'Projectile painting.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

Convenience.

Cats at private view

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

Picasso: The Early Years

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'I don't care if Jackson Pollock did start out this way. We are drawing kittens.'

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

'Wait, this isn't Monet's garden, it's Mondrian's.'

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

"Feel better, dear?"

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

The Cremaster Cycle

Pouring all emotion into his art, Pablo had none left for his face.

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

'At least I never have to straighten it out.'