Modern Art Detective Gifts

Jerry's 'culture-vulture' persona was plunged into jeopardy when he mistook a light switch for a modern art installation.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"Well....I could've done this!"

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

Picasso: The Early Years

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

Cats at private view

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

Jackson Pollock Studio

Convenience.

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

Art Gallery.

'At least I never have to straighten it out.'

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

The Cremaster Cycle

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

"Feel better, dear?"

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"