Modern Art Gifts

"I'd say my biggest influence is probably Pollock."

Modern art: I call it Procrastination.

"This is the show, Madam."

"Now this I get."

"Wentworth, could I take another look at that reorganization plan?"

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

The Last Temptation of Christo

'Look Larry, this one has air coming out of it!'

Sculpting

'It's a painting. There is no sound.'

The Big Picture

"Please hold still!"

'I still don't get it.'

Jackson Pollock as a child

Businessman looks at abstract painting, saying: 'I won't be investing in this one -I've just met the artist and he's in perfectly good health.'

"My grant ran out"

Jackson Pollock makes a mistake: 'Guess I'll have to start over.'

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'... And this is Picasso's: The bad plastic surgeon. '

The Big Picture

'Sure she's got a nice smile, but is it art?'

'Amazing isn't it? The eyes seem to follow you around the room.'

Man blowing paint at a canvas through a French horn.

A man in an art gallery stands in front of a blank canvas that has a suggestion box below it.

"I'm sorry, Steve, I was only dating you for the kitsch value."

'This painting was purchased on a whim by our ex-curator of drawings and paintings.'

'At first glance, my work may seem heavily ironic, but, culturally adjusted, it's really pretty sincere!'

'You could do that.' I did

'I should know who he is! His work is in every gallery I go into.'

'Call the police. Some vandal has wrecked the Tracy Emin installation!'

Art Museum field trip.

Euro on the exhibition.

'I can't think of a single thing to paint.'

'I have to disagree. I think the artist is laughing with us.'

"Whatever the heck it is, it was built exactly to specifications."