Mocktail Of Mirth Gifts

"Don't think of it as getting fired. Think of it as finally being recognized for your incompetence."

We'll have Manhattans...

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Off Duty.

"Satisfaction, stat!"

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

Moo-Magrams Exams

You need a sense of humor to work here, but you're overqualified.

'That's strange, all the monitors are going crazy again!'

Accident-Prone Support Group.

He said he loved her for her brain but was her appendix he was always taking out.

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

Garden Centre: Bonsai trolleys.

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

"Another round of Shirley Temples."

'Moon Jumper One, you are entering restricted Christmas airspace. ABORT!;

'I think out quarterly report should call it a 'negative upward trend'.'

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

Don't you think you've had too many drinks?

"If you want to be more like Mom and Dad, kids, you've got to start pounding down those Shirley Temples."

"I told you, no "funny business," Anderson."

"So how did 'DRY JANUARY' go?"

Work/Life Balance.

'I've been here so often, they keep a room reserved for me.'

'OK, OK, you got me. YOu just couldn't let it go, could you.'

'No, your wife wasn't wearing clean underwear. She wasn't wearing any underwear at all.'

'Your test results are in, and you're FULL of surprises!'

'Mr landlord, something went wrong... I said 'Give me a home where the Buffalo roam', not 'Give me a room in a Buffalo home''!

"We card everyone. You're too old for a Shirley Temple."

'The postman woke me up at five this morning... That's the last time I sleep with him.'

'That's as maybe, mister Frimley, but there's still no such thing as inner-child benefit.'

"This will be an easy one. These lawyers don't have any working internal organs."

'I'm sorry to hear about your women troubles, but I'm a gynecologist. I only help women with women's troubles.'

"How about a Shirley Temple on the house and then you skedaddle?"