Mocktail Magician Gifts

We'll have Manhattans...

Yoga for Alcoholics

Arms reach through a mirror to straighten a man's bow tie.

"Kind words help the dairy cow produce good milk. They go in one ear and out the udder."

The eye of newt - Is it gluten-free?

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

Goldylocks and the Three Beers.

'If you're happy to demand feed we'll get along just fine.'

The quarantine self cut.

Moses Separates the Cream. . .

"You'd be amazed how just a little soybean meal adds to the protein content of powdered bats wing and next tails."

"Don't think of it as getting fired. Think of it as finally being recognized for your incompetence."

'Turn everything off...we've sprung a leak!'

Garden Centre: Bonsai trolleys.

Fallen Angel.

"How almond milk is made"

'I think breast milk is better... It's free, always fresh and the cat can't get to it.'

"Let 'em try to regulate this!"

Fancy a twinkle before supper?

"Another round of Shirley Temples."

Don't you think you've had too many drinks?

"The usual, please."

"What the hell was in that?!"

Wow. That WAS a lot faster.

"Shaketh."

"If you want to be more like Mom and Dad, kids, you've got to start pounding down those Shirley Temples."

"Numb yet?"

"Any cocktail can be a shrimp cocktail if you just set your mind to it, and if you carry lots of loose shrimp in your pocket."

"So how did 'DRY JANUARY' go?"

Work/Life Balance.

"'Physick for the Cure of thy Ague'… When was the last time we cleared out this medicine cabinet?"

'Eye of newt, toe of frog, ear of bat and tongue of dog - everything but bloody coffee!'

Witching Hour

Ice pack for the heart.

'Gee, I don't know. Can I see this in another mirror?'