Mocktail Master Gifts

"Another round of Shirley Temples."

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

We'll have Manhattans...

Join me in a Martini?

"He's such a fussy eater."

Balancing two espresso martinis

"An everything Martini, please."

Mother puts extra long dummy in babies mouth.

A Tit for Tat.

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"Try this new IPA I just finished. Let me know if the malts and hops are layered like last week's batch." "Bailey was a really 'good boy'."

Joyce could certainly handle her drink!

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

Pig and chicken asking for milk from cow, who replies: 'Sorry, I already gave at the office.'

Timmy Works with His Pet Cow

"Don't think of it as getting fired. Think of it as finally being recognized for your incompetence."

'There are no search results for Pomeranian on the Foodnetwork.'

Garden Centre: Bonsai trolleys.

'Are you trying to tell me that neither of you get penalty rates for the 2 a.m feed?'

"Wait. Let it breathe."

Don't you think you've had too many drinks?

"You want to know what kind of criticism of Israeli politics I consider anti-semitic?"

Bach Doubles

"If you want to be more like Mom and Dad, kids, you've got to start pounding down those Shirley Temples."

'I love eating out.'

Higher milk production

Farmer tacking up signs in Dairy barn.

"Bartender - givish me another shot."

"So how did 'DRY JANUARY' go?"

Work/Life Balance.

'Relax! I was just seeing if I could fit it all in if I wanted to.'

'I said a dozen eggs and one pint of milk.'