Mocking Commentator Gifts

'There's a load of rubbish on the T.V. again.'

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

Wifi in Hell

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Expressions of mystery.

"Can you hear me now?"

That's nothing. You should see what he writes in the comments section.

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

"But for an update in GM products in farming we have a spokescarrot."

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'ANOTHER fatwah?! Who have you been sharing your thoughts with this time?'

Art Gallery.

'A shocking report shows more marriages are ending in divorce than decapitation. Could this be the end of traditional marriage, as we know it? More on that. . .after the break!'

Justice for a heckler.

Yeah, I'm standing here alone yelling a bunch of nonsense. If I had a cell phone, you wouldn't bother me!

'I like it.'

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

Poking gentle fun at the company in the blog wasn't meant to include saying that the chief exec had a face like a baboons bottom.

The Phenomenon of Absolute Power, Expressed as a Geometric Curve.

"Any family history of stroke? Diabetes? Bankruptcy?"

"While a cure for curiosity remains elusive, it continues to take a deadly toll."

'This is what we call a 'patient'...you MAY find some reference to one of them on page 435 of your manual.'

"No, the guy who had this job before me didn't retire - he escaped."

"That outfit is a nasty mix of stripes and patterns."

China deploys troops to prepare for an American invasion of North Korea. Russia warns that if America attacks Syria again, Russia will respond with force. Y'know, last time we had a world war, we weren't the ones everyone was defending themselves against. Sometimes when you're playing tag, it's more fun to be "it." We should have out own political show.

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

'That concludes my prepared remarks. I'll take questions that fit my prepared answers.'

"I usually vote for whoever promises to cut the most tax."

'I always vote for the candidate I think will do the least damage.'

Father and son watching a TV sitcom

"If the stock market fluctuates due to the emotions of mostly men, isn't there some kind of hormonal therapy available to level those out for them?"

'You are accused of internet fraud. How do you wish to blog?'

'Let's face it, if there was any talent about, we wouldn't be watching this rubbish!'

Snatching Failure from the Jaws of Success