Mock Interview Enthusiast Pillows

'It's a list of things I don't like to do.'

"Last question...where do you see yourself in 30 minutes? Because I'm calling you a cab."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

Do you have any other skills?

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'He will observe your text now...'

'How many words per minute do you type?'

'You don't want the job, do you?'

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

'Have you got a resume?'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"Where do you see yourself five lives from now?"

I think you should go after my job!

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"Apparently Wilbur hasn't gotten that raise. He's still hamming it up for the boss."