Job Interview Enthusiast Pillows

'My strength lies in my ability to deny my weaknesses.'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"I'd say you're a tad over qualified for the job."

"So, tell me of any experience you have that would make you well suited for the job.'

'The ice to Eskimos is very impressive.'

'I see you hold degrees in eating, sleeping, AND mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the other college graduates who have applied.'

"I really enjoyed reading your CV, professor. However, we can't hire you, because you suffer from defective media image."

'I'm an equal opportunities employer, Mr Moore, but I would expect you to shave before an interview.'

'Why did you leave your last job?'

"So, why do you want to work here?"

"Kneepads! I like that in an applicant!"

'I See you have a lot of skill, but they're all things that would make you a good cow.'

'What was that 'something or other' about not being a good listener?'

'I notices that under 'past experience', you once shared a cell with Bernie Madoff.'

"What have you done besides the usual Eskimo things?"

"Dave is clearly the man for the job - he's smart, creative, insightful and has an endearing habit of talking about himself in the 3rd person."

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

"I'll ask you one more time, why you want this job?"

"....And I'm trustworthy, loyal cheerful, friendly, courteous. . ."

'I admire how you don't take no for an answer, but I'm afraid I'm calling Security.'

Man at interview - 'Your name is Alan? Or is that a lie as well?'

When applying for a part-time job in retail, try not to state the obvious.

"I was named Prisoner of the Year for ten years running."

'I hear you people are desperate for accountants.'

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

"Do I get double bubble Sundays?"

'We want someone we can count on to stick around a while. You keep jumping from job to job.'

"So exactly when did your interest in health and safety start?"

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

Infection Control Center. Now Hiring. I should have said "I'm not afraid of hard work" rather than "I don't mind getting my hands dirty."

"Aw, look, she really likes you!...But, no, you still can't use your dog as a reference."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'How fast can you hype?'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."