Job Interviewer Pillows

Personality testing...

The job interview.

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

"Of course I've got excellent people skills . . . do you have any other stupid questions?"

'We did a background check on this guy and he came up squeaky clean... just what is he trying to hide anyway?'

'And what makes you think you'll be good at planning ahead?'

'My credentials? Well, I once sat through a taping of the Dr. Phil show.'

'Actually, I was thinking more in terms of a temporary position.'

"You're looking for an international expert? I'm your man! My computer is from China, the desk is from Romania and my clothes are made in Bangladesh!"

"For your convenience, there's a parking garage just next door."

'How do you explain these terrible verbal SAT scores?'

'I have your school record and I couldn't help noticing that you chewed gum and were tardy and often disruptive in first grade.'

Question - 'Are you left-brained or right-brained?' Reply - 'I try to avoid politics entirely!'

'I'm looking for someone who can take on great responsibility and make executive decisions and be willing to start at the minimum wage.'

'We don't have a pension plan. Nobody has ever worked here that long.'

"They say you are a great warrior."

'I see from your resume, that you have lost two jobs due to tardiness.'

"I see you're good at meeting deadlines."

"I'm sure he's a fine boy, but we prefer interviewing your son in person."

"I see there's a photo of you riding a goat in the nude drinking from a beer can attached to your hat. For future reference, employers now check social media."

'Nice smile! What do you think?'

"I see by your resume, you don't stay in one place long."

"I've never had a day's illness in my life. I always make it last a week."

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"My last job was as a mine interpreter...I would go to a park and describe what the mime was trying to convey."

'We're not hiring. We hold these job interviews to make our competition think we're doing well.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"This is juicy - tell me more!"

'I saw your profile on Linksin.'

'I speak three languages, if you include text-ese and my fake British accent.'

'How are you at decision making?'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

'You seem qualified. Now I just need to ask you some really embarrassing questions about your private life.'