Interview Enthusiast Pillows

"Based on your resume you're not really qualified for the job...but there's just something about you I like!"

"You're the type who'll make me prove every claim I make."

"When I asked if you could start right away, I meant if we decide to hire you."

'He came in for an interview 3 hours ago, and I made the mistake of telling him to make himself comfortable.'

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'You don't want the job, do you?'

"Any other strengths?"

"You just self-deprecated yourself right out of a job."

"You're afraid I have unrealistic expectations? Funny. I was thinking the same thing about you."

'This virtual recruiting thing is getting out of control.'

'Here's my r?sum?, or, as I like to call it, 'a series of unfortunate events.''

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'I'm sorry, but we don't have a hiring freeze here.'

'I'm quite impressed with your bloodthirstiness but we won't be able to offer you health benefits eternally.'

Personnel: 'We're hoping to find someone who can help us turn things around.'

"So you wouldn't be interrupted while interviewing me, I took the liberty of calling in a bomb threat."

'You're exactly the kind of person we'd like to hire - to be replaced by a computer.'

'It says here you were finance manager for your fellow inmates on cell block 3. This does raise other concerns.'

Suddenly, and without warning, Ed realised his job interview had turned into a car crash.

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

"They told me it would be and excellent resumé. What else does it say?"

"Imagine you're interviewing for a job, and the interviewer asks you a series of asinine hypothetical questions. How would you react?"

'We were going to give you a job interview, until you mentioned that you actually wanted to get paid.'

'Why is your resume copyright protected by online-resumes.com?'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'Sure I submitted somebody else's resum? - I'm the victim of a stolen identity.'

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'

'And what have you been doing in the ten years since you left your last job?'

'Your resume is great and you have all the experience we need. Still, something worries me.'

"I see there's a photo of you riding a goat in the nude drinking from a beer can attached to your hat. For future reference, employers now check social media."

"You're desperate - I like that."

"Humility is a virtue, but not on a resume."

'I feel I'm right for this job because I'm a real people person. Now, do I get the job or not? I don't have all day!'

"I don't think so - too ambitious."