Interview Enthusiast Pillows

"Based on your resume you're not really qualified for the job...but there's just something about you I like!"

Phil blows his interview before even sitting down.

"When I asked if you could start right away, I meant if we decide to hire you."

"You're the type who'll make me prove every claim I make."

'He came in for an interview 3 hours ago, and I made the mistake of telling him to make himself comfortable.'

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'You don't want the job, do you?'

"Any other strengths?"

"You just self-deprecated yourself right out of a job."

"You're afraid I have unrealistic expectations? Funny. I was thinking the same thing about you."

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'This virtual recruiting thing is getting out of control.'

'Here's my r?sum?, or, as I like to call it, 'a series of unfortunate events.''

'I'm sorry, but we don't have a hiring freeze here.'

Suddenly, and without warning, Ed realised his job interview had turned into a car crash.

Personnel: 'We're hoping to find someone who can help us turn things around.'

'It says here you were finance manager for your fellow inmates on cell block 3. This does raise other concerns.'

'You're exactly the kind of person we'd like to hire - to be replaced by a computer.'

"So you wouldn't be interrupted while interviewing me, I took the liberty of calling in a bomb threat."

'I'm quite impressed with your bloodthirstiness but we won't be able to offer you health benefits eternally.'

'Sure I submitted somebody else's resum? - I'm the victim of a stolen identity.'

'Why is your resume copyright protected by online-resumes.com?'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'We were going to give you a job interview, until you mentioned that you actually wanted to get paid.'

"I see there's a photo of you riding a goat in the nude drinking from a beer can attached to your hat. For future reference, employers now check social media."

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'

'Your resume is great and you have all the experience we need. Still, something worries me.'

'And what have you been doing in the ten years since you left your last job?'

"Imagine you're interviewing for a job, and the interviewer asks you a series of asinine hypothetical questions. How would you react?"

"They told me it would be and excellent resumé. What else does it say?"

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

"Humility is a virtue, but not on a resume."

"I don't think so - too ambitious."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'