Mock Expert Pillows

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'Don't bite it. I have to check Daddy next.'

"You question my methodology? Perhaps you should question your questionology."

'Here is my proposal for making our department more productive. The proposal contains my best cognitive distortions.'

"We pay the living dead wage."

'Bonny, I've forgotten...What time is that 9 o'clock meeting tomorrow?...'

'Please excuse my nurse -- this is her first day on the job.'

'Curses! My eyes were closed.'

Innocent bystanders are real tough to convict: 'You saw it happen, why didn't you do anything?'

A Dummy Corporation.

If you rotate the corporate ladder by 90 degrees, you end up with monkey bars.

Wal Max - Complaints Department

"You want to know what kind of criticism of Israeli politics I consider anti-semitic?"

"You mock, sir—you mock a sport storied and beloved. I, sir, pity you."

'For the remainder of this health and safety discussion, I shall refrain from leaning back too far on my chair.'

"So, that's an extra - large pizza, burger, fries, a large milkshake and an echocardiogram..."

"It doesn't matter if anyone heard you fall, I am sure we can get you a large cash settlement."

A good future in politics

'Church Commission Land. No entry. Don't be tempted - someone IS watching!'

'What gets me is how the actors make themselves so small!'

'We're here to nudge you into moving south.'

"So, how long have you two been in Ghana studying the apes?"

Expert and Ex-Pert

"I could see finding him a cool guy if I wasn't married to him."

"I believe I can speak for both of us."

'Our campaign will generate a lot of hot air. Did you remember to file an environmental impact statement?'

"Last question...where do you see yourself in 30 minutes? Because I'm calling you a cab."

'It's a list of things I don't like to do.'

The Blame-O-Meter

Portrait pulling a face at artist.

"Under self-isolation rules, you can make a start on reading your impressive range of pretentious books, can't you?"