Mocking Master Pillows

"I could see finding him a cool guy if I wasn't married to him."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

So you're a mocking bird...

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'I didn't tell you to 'be quite Frank'. I said,'be quiet, Frank'!'

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

"Fellow graduates, when I look at you, I see future princesses, ninjas, wizards, superheroes, and zombies."

"...Any more of that fowl language and you're barred!"

Custard pie ejects from book - 'How to be a clown'

'She must be good at mixing cement - She's been making rock cakes for years.'

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

"Apparently Wilbur hasn't gotten that raise. He's still hamming it up for the boss."

"'Ere, mate - you look like a right muppett..!"

'Always the wise guy.'

'His dad was a standup. He's a quip off the old block.'

"I see you like to let your actions do the talking."

Toilet Humour: 'Did you hear about the constipated human?'

Dog Dreams

"He's surprisingly sensitive about heckling."

A Dummy Corporation.

'Ok, ok, what about this one? There was an Irishman, an Italian and an Englishman ..'

"If I had a million dollars, I'd buy myself a new car, a new house for Dad and new clothes for Tia Carmen!"

Canoe Carriers

'When you discovered your bark was worse than your bite, you decided to see me?'

"You want to know what kind of criticism of Israeli politics I consider anti-semitic?"

"Look! I can imitate you!"

'I can't keep a secret, either!'