Expert Pillows

Expert and Ex-Pert

"Under self-isolation rules, you can make a start on reading your impressive range of pretentious books, can't you?"

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

Dad Trophies

Pull the udder one

"You said mindfulness could help us do well on the test, so I filled it up with as much as I could last night."

"How'd I do on the test?"

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

"Have you tried turning it off and back on?"

"You question my methodology? Perhaps you should question your questionology."

Tonight: Al Hari Kish, leading yoga expert, speaks on 'this topsy-turvy world'

You are Here. We know where you've been.

'All he wants is sex, sex, sex!'

'We now have the technology to record your dreams. From now on, your dreams are our intellectual property.'

CIA Recommended TVs

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

Investment Guru/Lifestyle Guru/Tech Guru/Fashion Guru

"It was you, Jason. Dr. Karnes had it authenticated."

My husband is a world expert, but unfortunately it's only on maganese bronze.

"Is there a geek of any kind in the house?"

Dogfights/Drone Fights

"At this point we're no longer testing you. We're testing your insurance."

Ophiologist

"And how do you feel when your patient does online research and thinks he's an expert?"

"Is it ne'er do wells, or ne'ers do well?"

Gallery Guide

My password is ELEPHANT. It may not be the strongest, but I never forget it.

"What qualifies you to be a ballistics expert?"

Man and woman being spied on from their TV.

"Can't I go anywhere without someone asking for free medical advice?"

Wal Max - Complaints Department