Expert Pillows

Let the profit-making begin!

Expert and Ex-Pert

"Under self-isolation rules, you can make a start on reading your impressive range of pretentious books, can't you?"

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

Dad Trophies

"You said mindfulness could help us do well on the test, so I filled it up with as much as I could last night."

Pull the udder one

"How'd I do on the test?"

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

"Have you tried turning it off and back on?"

Tonight: Al Hari Kish, leading yoga expert, speaks on 'this topsy-turvy world'

"You question my methodology? Perhaps you should question your questionology."

You are Here. We know where you've been.

'All he wants is sex, sex, sex!'

Busy, Busy, Busy

CIA Recommended TVs

'We now have the technology to record your dreams. From now on, your dreams are our intellectual property.'

"It was you, Jason. Dr. Karnes had it authenticated."

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

Investment Guru/Lifestyle Guru/Tech Guru/Fashion Guru

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

"Is there a geek of any kind in the house?"

Dogfights/Drone Fights

My husband is a world expert, but unfortunately it's only on maganese bronze.

"And how do you feel when your patient does online research and thinks he's an expert?"

"At this point we're no longer testing you. We're testing your insurance."

Tonight's Debate. Nature versus Nurture. You believe in heredity over environment? Yep --- I was just born that way.

Ophiologist

"Is it ne'er do wells, or ne'ers do well?"

"Are we sure this is how we get our workloads into the cloud?"

"What qualifies you to be a ballistics expert?"

Gallery Guide

My password is ELEPHANT. It may not be the strongest, but I never forget it.

"You're right, Obamacare doesn't cover everything."