Return Expert Pillows

The Wargfields embark on their Christmas night tradition of camping out at the mall to be the first in line to return gifts.'

Wal Max - Complaints Department

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'Rozlyn, that blouse is very cute! I think you should get it.'

Ski Slope Rated Black Due To Wall At The Bottom

'My dog ate my computer.'

Hunting Skool. What about your project, Oogie? The dot ate my homework.

My department was abducted by aliens so there is no data between January and April.

'If we can't come up with better ideas, at least we should have better excuses.'

"My homework is not done because our home modem is tool slow for downloading the answers."

'It's only four acres but we're glad we bought it - he's always wanted to be an expert in his own field.'

'Homework done only $1.00' 'Homework eaten only $0.50'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

A consumer guide to cheese.

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

"Once again one of your "I'm late because I was abducted and operated on by aliens" excuses?"

'Would you believe, I didn't get my homework done because of PMS?'

"She's about to get him on the rebound."

"Breakfast will be a little late. Our computer's down."

"How much of this stuff can I eat before it can no longer be returned?"

"Try a new tactic, punch back."

'Today we learned if it ain't on Google, it ain't worth knowing.'

My husband is a world expert, but unfortunately it's only on maganese bronze.

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

How to deal with weeds

"...according to my records Tomkins, this is your grandmother's seventh funeral."

"But....but....isn't that a puff of cloud I see approaching?"

'I don't believe for one minute that an octopus crawled up last night and ate all the coconuts!'

"I did a book report, but then the publisher pulled the book because the author was a plagiarist."

Beware homework eating dog

'I've eaten so much homework that I'm starting to age in paper years.'

Let the profit-making begin!

'I'm sorry I didn't practice this week, Mrs. Tinklemeyer. I just had so many distractions!

December 24th and the December 26th.