Return Expert Gifts

Wal Max - Complaints Department

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'Rozlyn, that blouse is very cute! I think you should get it.'

Ski Slope Rated Black Due To Wall At The Bottom

'My dog ate my computer.'

My department was abducted by aliens so there is no data between January and April.

'If we can't come up with better ideas, at least we should have better excuses.'

'It's only four acres but we're glad we bought it - he's always wanted to be an expert in his own field.'

"My homework is not done because our home modem is tool slow for downloading the answers."

'Homework done only $1.00' 'Homework eaten only $0.50'

A consumer guide to cheese.

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

'Would you believe, I didn't get my homework done because of PMS?'

"Once again one of your "I'm late because I was abducted and operated on by aliens" excuses?"

"She's about to get him on the rebound."

My husband is a world expert, but unfortunately it's only on maganese bronze.

"Try a new tactic, punch back."

"How much of this stuff can I eat before it can no longer be returned?"

"Breakfast will be a little late. Our computer's down."

'Today we learned if it ain't on Google, it ain't worth knowing.'

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

How to deal with weeds

"...according to my records Tomkins, this is your grandmother's seventh funeral."

"I did a book report, but then the publisher pulled the book because the author was a plagiarist."

'I've eaten so much homework that I'm starting to age in paper years.'

Beware homework eating dog

'I don't believe for one minute that an octopus crawled up last night and ate all the coconuts!'

"But....but....isn't that a puff of cloud I see approaching?"

'I'm sorry I didn't practice this week, Mrs. Tinklemeyer. I just had so many distractions!

December 24th and the December 26th.

'The aurora borealis. Which is why you should never name something with your mouth full.'

'I'm sorry I forgot my homework -- I guess I just have a self-cleaning mind.'