Comeback Expert Gifts

"Try a new tactic, punch back."

"I'm so happy to be back in the workforce I'll never complain out loud again about Mondays."

"He's writing a novel for the first time in decades. It has less to do with the urge to create or say something new, and more to do with the fact that all his previous books are now out of print."

"I've brought companies back from the brink of disaster before Phil, but to bring one back from the dead? I'm still patting myself on the back over that one!"

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

How Gary got his groove back.

A lesson in wit

"She's about to get him on the rebound."

"Stimulating this area of the brain will enable the patient to think of all the clever things he wished he had said."

"Not to quibble, Helen, but if you look up 'Pathetic Loser' in the dictionary I don't believe anyone's picture is there."

"Quick, Bartlett! Instill them with hope!"

'I would go to the end of the world for you.' - 'Yes, but would you stay there?'

"Now just hold on...I've pre-recorded some snappy comebacks since I never remember them during these meetings."

'I'm proud of the lads. They show'd a lot of character coming back from one down. . . then two or three silly goals. . . At this level you get punished. But overall I thought we were a bit unlucky. . .'

'Mother sent me back to school the minute I was feeling better.'

Wal Max - Complaints Department

'Reinventing myself.'

'Do I have anything to say before you pass sentence? Yes, but you go first. My remarks depend on what the sentence is.'

"I've got an idea for my comeback."

"Phil is my Vice President in Charge of Snappy Comebacks."

Not Such A Fool As He Looks.

'Mr. Churchill, you are drunk !' 'Yes Madam and you are ugly but tomorrow I shall be sober.'

Back on the mound after succesful Elton John surgery.

"He killed in rehab."

'My homework? Why, at home.'

'He was our top salesman. We hope that one day, he will be again.'

King vs King- who's the clown?

'We can't end the meeting now. I've got this list of snappy comebacks I thought up during lunch!'

"If you're a self made man...why did you made yourself so short?"

"Kid, you got a 'While You Were Out' message."

"Yep, I was the little runt you used to tease all the time! Guess what, I had a late growth spurt..."