Comeback Specialist Gifts

"As far as I'm concerned, it just takes my kind."

"Not to quibble, Helen, but if you look up 'Pathetic Loser' in the dictionary I don't believe anyone's picture is there."

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

"He's writing a novel for the first time in decades. It has less to do with the urge to create or say something new, and more to do with the fact that all his previous books are now out of print."

"I'm so happy to be back in the workforce I'll never complain out loud again about Mondays."

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

Humpty Dumpty in Occupational Therapy

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

"I've brought companies back from the brink of disaster before Phil, but to bring one back from the dead? I'm still patting myself on the back over that one!"

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

A lesson in wit

He was out in no time, with a new outlook and a clean slate.

"She's about to get him on the rebound."

"It's my 30-day chip. One month catnip free."

"Try a new tactic, punch back."

"Stimulating this area of the brain will enable the patient to think of all the clever things he wished he had said."

Physiotherapist tells Humpty Dumpty: 'OK, you've had a great fall, but we'll have you back on that wall in no time.'

"Quick, Bartlett! Instill them with hope!"

'I'm proud of the lads. They show'd a lot of character coming back from one down. . . then two or three silly goals. . . At this level you get punished. But overall I thought we were a bit unlucky. . .'

'I would go to the end of the world for you.' - 'Yes, but would you stay there?'

"Now just hold on...I've pre-recorded some snappy comebacks since I never remember them during these meetings."

'Reinventing myself.'

For years Melenie stayed home waiting for the stirrup cords revival.

"Phil is my Vice President in Charge of Snappy Comebacks."

"I've got an idea for my comeback."

Real Hopscotch: 'A 12-Step Program for the addiction to scotch.'

Not Such A Fool As He Looks.

'Mr. Churchill, you are drunk !' 'Yes Madam and you are ugly but tomorrow I shall be sober.'

"He killed in rehab."

Back on the mound after succesful Elton John surgery.

'My homework? Why, at home.'

'My automatic page turner went wild, so now I'm having to learn to speed read.'

'He was our top salesman. We hope that one day, he will be again.'