Mobile Mishap Lover Pillows

'Sarge - I think I've thrown my mobile!'

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

"Melisa! - Your spelling is atrocious!"

'That's strange -- there seems to be a pop-tart in your disk drive.'

'Thank you for waiting. Please continue to hold and your call will bee answered as soon as we can.'

"Deputy, round up a posse, I can't find my phone."

"You butt dialed me 187 times in less that an hour, dad."

"Sorry I'm late: I was hitching a ride but when the driver noticed me, he panicked and we had an accident..."

Damn predictive text, did you mean to break up with me or 'brick my tit'?"

Whoa! Willard, you know you can't put metal in a microwave! Why not just heat it the old fashioned way and use your nostrils?

"Call the inspector and tell him to cancel today, that something has come up."

'Next time make sure it's the bath plug before you pull it out.'

'I accidentally sent this week's data charts to the 3-D printer.'

'No, I don't think he's free styling. Maybe he's break dancing.'

'Oh, those are just for show. We don't have electricity.'

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'

Wedding Texting

"Ted! It's fallen down! Ted!"

Campanology wasn't really Gregory's thing!

'You wrecked ANOTHER snowmobile?'

'Magic and culinary.'

The Off-Tones

Golf Cart Punctures

'You were right - it WASN'T a cat with a racing stripe.'

'It's amazing, the way we met. I had just finished reading his bumper sticker 'Let's not meet by accident' when I tail-gated him.'

Vacuum-salesman clown gets door slammed on his foot.

"Sorry, I haven't had chance to watch much TV since I went to turn down the radio, tripped over a magazine and a framed poster fell on my head..."

"You need to get out here – we just had another texting-while-walking mishap."

Harpist slicing fingers on strings

'Maybe you shouldn't use a phone during a demolition derby.'