Modern Mishap Lover Pillows

Hey Siri, dictate a note. What would you like to say? Shhh!!! Whisper, Siri! I'm trying to dictate an article about our hostage-takers without them hearing I'm a journalist. I'm sorry. I didn't quite get that. He said "I'm trying to dictate and article about our hostage-takers without them hearing I'm a journalist." Thanks.

'Bruce, your dingleberry's ringing'

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

"Oh, sorry—I think I just butt-summoned you."

spellchecker

"Melisa! - Your spelling is atrocious!"

F&E Designs. My reversible jacket didn't turn out very well.

'That's strange -- there seems to be a pop-tart in your disk drive.'

'Eject! Eject, eject eject!! Aw crimony. I've hit the button 6 or 7 times, Cap'n. And the darned CD still won't come out.'

A sporting gent practising for the hunting season.

Dyslexic Palm Reading

Desert crawler rescued by truck that won't start.

"Sorry I'm late: I was hitching a ride but when the driver noticed me, he panicked and we had an accident..."

"Call the inspector and tell him to cancel today, that something has come up."

'Next time make sure it's the bath plug before you pull it out.'

'I accidentally sent this week's data charts to the 3-D printer.'

'No, I don't think he's free styling. Maybe he's break dancing.'

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'

"Please excuse our new employee, sir--he used to work in the circus."

'Maybe now you'll admit that we're lost!?'

"Ted! It's fallen down! Ted!"

"Michael Bolton at Folsom Prison"

Campanology wasn't really Gregory's thing!

'Um...Dr. Daly, I think there's something wrong with the MRI.'

"I don't like sweetcorn".

'You wrecked ANOTHER snowmobile?'

Aw, dang, grabbed my cell phone.

'I guess I should have let sleeping dogs lie.'

Sadly, Ralph's third attempt at the World Fishbowl Speed Record was also his last.

"So you spilled your soda, big deal!"

'You were right - it WASN'T a cat with a racing stripe.'

'Magic and culinary.'

Harpist slicing fingers on strings

The Off-Tones

Golf Cart Punctures