Modern Mishap Lover Pillows

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

"Oh, sorry—I think I just butt-summoned you."

spellchecker

'That's strange -- there seems to be a pop-tart in your disk drive.'

"Melisa! - Your spelling is atrocious!"

'Eject! Eject, eject eject!! Aw crimony. I've hit the button 6 or 7 times, Cap'n. And the darned CD still won't come out.'

A sporting gent practising for the hunting season.

"Sorry I'm late: I was hitching a ride but when the driver noticed me, he panicked and we had an accident..."

Dyslexic Palm Reading

"Call the inspector and tell him to cancel today, that something has come up."

'Next time make sure it's the bath plug before you pull it out.'

'I accidentally sent this week's data charts to the 3-D printer.'

'No, I don't think he's free styling. Maybe he's break dancing.'

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'

"Ted! It's fallen down! Ted!"

'Maybe now you'll admit that we're lost!?'

"Please excuse our new employee, sir--he used to work in the circus."

"Michael Bolton at Folsom Prison"

Campanology wasn't really Gregory's thing!

'You wrecked ANOTHER snowmobile?'

"I don't like sweetcorn".

Sadly, Ralph's third attempt at the World Fishbowl Speed Record was also his last.

'I guess I should have let sleeping dogs lie.'

"So you spilled your soda, big deal!"

"Sorry, I haven't had chance to watch much TV since I went to turn down the radio, tripped over a magazine and a framed poster fell on my head..."

'Magic and culinary.'

Harpist slicing fingers on strings

'You were right - it WASN'T a cat with a racing stripe.'

The Off-Tones

Golf Cart Punctures

'Sarge - I think I've thrown my mobile!'