Romantic Mishap Enthusiast Pillows

"I don't like sweetcorn".

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

"I never understand what you're trying to say."

"Oh, sorry—I think I just butt-summoned you."

spellchecker

'My daughter eloped with a mime...'

'I'm sorry, Frank, but I think I need some space.'

A sporting gent practising for the hunting season.

"Sorry I'm late: I was hitching a ride but when the driver noticed me, he panicked and we had an accident..."

Dyslexic Palm Reading

"Call the inspector and tell him to cancel today, that something has come up."

"You will let me know if I'm boring you with my little stories, won't you dear?"

'Next time make sure it's the bath plug before you pull it out.'

"Please excuse our new employee, sir--he used to work in the circus."

"Ok, George ... now you've ruined Christmas."

'My ad said I was 'blond with curves' it didn't say anything about me being a woman.'

"Ted! It's fallen down! Ted!"

'Maybe now you'll admit that we're lost!?'

Campanology wasn't really Gregory's thing!

"Baldo, I'm sorry! Tia Carmen's friend Maria left this book here by accident. Silly me, I thought it was yours! Ha ha ha!"

"Hell, I'm from the dating agency. Can I move in with you."

"Public display of rejection"

OK, I'm a little shallow, but I'm meaningful.

Sadly, Ralph's third attempt at the World Fishbowl Speed Record was also his last.

'I guess I should have let sleeping dogs lie.'

"So you spilled your soda, big deal!"

'You were right - it WASN'T a cat with a racing stripe.'

Vacuum-salesman clown gets door slammed on his foot.

'It's the blind date who arranged to meet you inside.'

Golf Cart Punctures

"Sorry, I haven't had chance to watch much TV since I went to turn down the radio, tripped over a magazine and a framed poster fell on my head..."

Ooops!

Zebra Crossing

'I know I said you should part your hair down the middle, but...'