Mobile Mishap Enthusiast Pillows

'Maybe you shouldn't use a phone during a demolition derby.'

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

'The principal is keeping my teacher after school. She kicked the computer.'

"An excellent interview Mr Twinglestop, now is there anything you'd like to ask me. . . Apart from home to switch off your 'cat filter'?"

'I wish you'd told me your brother worked for the Mirror before we got him to do the wedding pictures.'

"Oh, sorry—I think I just butt-summoned you."

'I can't turn it off.'

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

"You butt dialed me 187 times in less that an hour, dad."

"Sir, I'm afraid there's no easy way to say this..."

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

Damn predictive text, did you mean to break up with me or 'brick my tit'?"

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

Paramedic Mistakes.

"Okay scouts, that ends today's online soldering session!"

"Well... the good news is we've dealt with your ingrowing toenail..!"

Fall Rocks/Deer Crossing

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

Broken hospital sign.

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!

"On the plus side, you've cured my back pain."

"911? My husband is complaining of chest pains!"

'You wrecked ANOTHER snowmobile?'

"Oops, forgot.... I also have REALLY high blood pressure."

You are here but you should be here

'Maybe you should let the wine you packed go to waste. That's the bag with our laundry.'

'Your luggage was accidentally sent to Singapore, sir, and you're being tried in absentia there for smuggling after-shave lotion.'

Blowing your nose musically.

"You can have all my treats for a week if you promise not to tell anyone I dropped my phone in the toilet."

'Can you hang on for half an hour? We're still waiting for the reality TV crew to turn up'