Mobile Etiquette Appreciator Pillows

"You're probably wondering why I called you. It's because I accidentally butt dialed you."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

Let's shake on it.

"It's not art, really - just something I pulled out of my butt."

"OK, she's back. Just start slowly, and remember to ask her about herself."

'Manners are the noises you don't make while you eat.'

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

"Though you be a villainous scoundrel, fairness demands I inform you that's your cell."

"I'm not repeating the specials again until everyone puts down their phones."

Pardon me, I think you dropped this. Ivy League Football Is Different.

Illustration for 'Eleanor's Victory' by Miss Braddon, scene 2.

"Let's change that to 'Please be seated'."

'I can't take off my clothes - I'm Missouri Synod Lutheran!'

"Be right with you. I need to take this real quick."

'I'm gifted but I hide it well.'

"Gee, I'm sorry this had to happen on our first date!"

Tip responsibly

"Let's try that again with a 'please' and 'thank you.'"

Man in elevator looking at sign that says 'Stare Here.'

"Eye contact is good, but eye contact without blinking is not."

"How much do you tip your genie?"

Courtesy Wave

'I told you never to Facebook, Bebo, Hotmail, Yahoo, MSN or phone me at work...'

"Have you come far?"

"Before you go through the gates of heaven think back to the early days of the internet. Did you ever visit or post anything homophobic, racist or sexist? Tell me now or I will find out."

Would it be rude if I didn't follow them all back?

"Thanks for the unexpected lift. You can drop me off here. Or here. Or here. Or here."

"I forgot my phone."

"That time you realized your hashtags were longer than your message. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethingsWrongHere #spiritual-awakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #wontSome-bodyThink-of-The-Children?" "ERROR: You have exceeded the number of characters allowed." "That time you. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethings-WrongHere #spiritualawakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #