Professional Etiquette Lover Pillows

Let's shake on it.

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

The awkwardness of one's first officeplace fist-bump.

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

"All rise."

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

"I know it's our first date and we're at this fancy restaurant and all, but would it be a red flag if I ordered the chicken fingers?"

'So are you the wise guy that thinks my food is not good enough to regurgitate and maul between your hands?'

'D'you have any salt?'

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'

"I hit reply all too many times."

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

'I need to take this call... please mumble to yourself.'

"Didn't I say you'd be the only man not wearing a bow tie?"

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

Office computer: 'Thank you for not using me for personal business.'

"Ignore the screams, sir. I'll get a new fork."

"Hold on one second I'm just scrolling through your Instagram to get to know you."