Misunderstood Monetarily Pillows

'What do you mean overdrawn...I still have twelve cheques left!'

Love at First Sight

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

'The school. My counselor told me to make the most of it...'

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

'Okay, Noah...I'm going to tell you again. Listen very carefully this time.'

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

No! I said a 100-foot Piazza!

"Kiss, you idiot. Not hiss."

"Your assets will be frozen? Oh, boy, is it going to snow?"

"Are you blushing?!"

'My kids don't understand me.'

'He has a learning disorder.'

"I thought the 'Internet of Things' was about fridges and toasters!"

National #@*&%!$@? Tourettes Institute *&%!$

'Wellington!...Come take a look at this!...I've never seen anything like it!...Some sort of early sun worship etching perhaps!'

"I thought you meant we had a security leak."

Palm Reader...

'Not that sort of pool party.'

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

'It's a very common plant on earth.'

"Do you know Issac Newton discovered gravity in 1867? Before that people could fly."

'When you said the tractor was down, I thought...'

"When he was yelling stroke, stroke, stroke...I just thought he was counting!"

"It said on the tin 'put on 2 coats'..."

'Professor Hallkitt! Over here! I found some more Cave paintings!'

'Yes,I did order an extra barrel,but for my shotgun.'

"No, I meant 'Duck'!"

'Mrs. Peterson. . . Sgt. O'Leary here, I'm afraid there's been an accident and your husband is in a comma.'

"I happen to be a doctor of music,madam."

"No, I didn't say the Euro was up, I said the gyro was up. The deli raised their prices fifty cents."

'I feel awful. Coach was clutching his throat and turning blue, but I thought it was the 'bunt' sign.'

"Well I say we go on without him..."

'...and then, when I asked if I could see her home, she showed me a photograph of her house.'