Misunderstood Monetarily Gifts

'What do you mean overdrawn...I still have twelve cheques left!'

Love at First Sight

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"Your assets will be frozen? Oh, boy, is it going to snow?"

"Are you blushing?!"

'My kids don't understand me.'

"I thought the 'Internet of Things' was about fridges and toasters!"

'Wellington!...Come take a look at this!...I've never seen anything like it!...Some sort of early sun worship etching perhaps!'

National #@*&%!$@? Tourettes Institute *&%!$

'He has a learning disorder.'

Palm Reader...

"I thought you meant we had a security leak."

'Not that sort of pool party.'

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

'It's a very common plant on earth.'

'When you said the tractor was down, I thought...'

"Do you know Issac Newton discovered gravity in 1867? Before that people could fly."

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

"When he was yelling stroke, stroke, stroke...I just thought he was counting!"

"It said on the tin 'put on 2 coats'..."

'Mrs. Peterson. . . Sgt. O'Leary here, I'm afraid there's been an accident and your husband is in a comma.'

'Professor Hallkitt! Over here! I found some more Cave paintings!'

"No, I meant 'Duck'!"

'Yes,I did order an extra barrel,but for my shotgun.'

"I happen to be a doctor of music,madam."

'I feel awful. Coach was clutching his throat and turning blue, but I thought it was the 'bunt' sign.'

"No, I didn't say the Euro was up, I said the gyro was up. The deli raised their prices fifty cents."

"Well I say we go on without him..."

"Where's the best place to get a nose piercing?"

"Look, told ya – it’s a Romney poster!"