Misunderstood Intentions Gifts

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

Love at First Sight

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

'The school. My counselor told me to make the most of it...'

"My guess it's guacamole."

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

"Your assets will be frozen? Oh, boy, is it going to snow?"

'Wellington!...Come take a look at this!...I've never seen anything like it!...Some sort of early sun worship etching perhaps!'

'He has a learning disorder.'

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

Sea kelp? I said "seek help"!

'- but I didn't think it meant a two-made-into one-suit, dammit!'

'Mrs. Peterson. . . Sgt. O'Leary here, I'm afraid there's been an accident and your husband is in a comma.'

"...But I don't want to get in the back Norma, I want to stay in the front with you"

Dyslexic Doomsayers.

'Darn it Mother! I'm not MISSING! I'm just working DOUBLES this month!'

"Well I say we go on without him..."

'...and then, when I asked if I could see her home, she showed me a photograph of her house.'

"Size 16? Sorry, I thought you said 61."

You were right -- She's not trying to high-five us!

"Look, told ya – it’s a Romney poster!"

"Till now I always thought of the gravy train as a good thing."

"Are you mad at me or just chewing tobacco?"

'And here you can see one of the incredibly boring amusement park rides that were so beloved in the 20th century.'

'You idiot, I said 'ark', not 'park'.'

'I sincerely thank you for your concern, but I'm only setting up a swing.'

"This is not what I thought you meant by 'Come to our ATV program!'"

"He's not waving to the trollop in the bedroom opposite, he's trying to waft a bluebottle out through the window."

'I'm not sure if I'm a vegan or not but I do only eat animals that are herbivores.'

'He must be pleased with me. He's wagging his finger.'

"Will you pull your stupid pants up? This is a RETINAL scanner you idiot."

"But I've given you the finest things money can rent."

we take plastic - "The sign doesn't mean we take plastic coins."

"Apologetics does not mean saying sorry."